~HentaiBoy

So, it's your classic scenario... Mom & Dad decide to go on a camping trip, and leave their 2 sons alone for the week. The eldest (myself) was given all of the responsibilities (feed the cats, clean the litter, keep the house clean, keep you brother out of trouble, if possible, etc, etc,), while the youngest only had 2 goals... Go to work at your part-time job, and try not to fuck up your life any worse than you already have.

What does this new freedom mean to the elder son? "Hey, sweet! I can relax and not have to listen to my folks nag, and maybe, I'll even have time to have a little fun!"

And to the younger? "Oh, FUCK YEAH! There are no more consequences, EVER! Time to blow off work for half the week, call all my friends over, get drunk and wreck EVERY FUCKING THING IN THE HOUSE!!!"

Now luckily, the eldest son didn't have to worry much about the younger douchebag, as Dumbass McPartyman would disappear for 3-4 days in a row, likely somewhere in the city, drunk, with his girlfriend, and would only show up for the occasional change of clothes or to beg a ride to work (lost his license, and MY car, to a DUI, naturally). Last night, however, he deemed appropriate to invite a few friends over to our nice, clean, well-maintained (by me) home.

Now, has anyone ever seen what happens when you mix teens, text messaging, and the phrase 'arents away camping OMG LOL'?

Luckily, this phenomena didn't explode as badly as it usually does, but I still ended up with 8 or 9 extra idiots over at my place. They all brought more booze, they all wanted to sit outside and drink. Now that wouldn't have been a problem, except for one thing...

-CRACK-A-BOOM....*rumble*-

Thunderstorm. Fuck.

So anyhow, even though the party was in full swing, I had to head to bed, as I had an oil-change scheduled for my car the next morning. Of course, 'drunk' and 'teen' are not two words that are often associated with 'quiet'. They kept me awake until about 3:30 in the morning, until I heard the following:

*BOOMBOOM THUMTHUMTHUMP SPLAT* Girls voice: OH MY GOD, HE'S BLEEDING FROM HIS HEAD!

...


*sigh*

Time to get up and call 911.

So, finally, the ambulances come... the kid was fine, the hardest part for the paramedics was convincing the drunk bastard to let them take him to the hospital to get the bloody crack in his head checked out. The kid seemed convinced that they were going to send him to prison for trying to drunkenly climb down a set of stairs in the dark.

Idiot.

Well, it's past 4am... looks like it's time to mop up blood.

So where was idiot douchebag drunkass jerkboy the whole time?

Asleep.

I however, couldn't get back to sleep, after all, I had to be up in two hours anyway. So, I sat down to enjoy a few minutes of bitching and venting about my retard brother on the interbutts...

ERROR 404

The goddamn thunderstorm knocked out my internet.

So, now it's 4:45 and I've finally got net access again. Rain-soaked cans and bottles litter the yard, various pieces of clothing that don't belong to us are lying in soaked piles in almost every room in the house. Furniture has been moved/knocked over, beds have been half-slept in, splatters of food lie on every surface of the kitchen, the remnants of a Guitar Hero tournament are strewn all around the living room, and best of all? He's pissed off at ME for asking him to clean up.

It's almost 5pm. He's not going to clean anything up. He's fed himself and sat down to watch a movie about drugs. He's got work in half an hour, and I have to drive him there.

My parents come home tomorrow.

Fuck.



TL, DR version: What blunt object should I use to cave in my dipshit brother's head with? I'm not worried about leaving evidence behind... apparently, I'm pretty good at mopping up blood.

HB